Same-Sex Relationship Advice

Look for the Borderland Blues Triangle When Surfing GLBT Sites >

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

It's bound to happen. It happens with all couples. In fact, it is normal to want to wipe the smirk off of your partner's face from time to time. And I'm not talking about the gentle, "Oh, come here baby so I can patiently and lovingly show you why I'm right and you're wrong," type of smirk wiping. No, I'm talking about the low-down, dirty, name-calling smirk wiping that can only happen after an argument about what can safely be laundered with the whites without turning them gray. Issues of this importance require all of the reserve couple-fighting skills that you've got.

While this may seem like a ridiculous thing to fight about, I've known couples who have let trivial matters like these escalate until they cannot stand one another. You see, in the beginning everything is idealistic and perfect. You and your partner walk around on a cloud of heavenly bliss that seems far above daily life and trivial arguments. All of those things that your partner does that should be annoying only seem to endear you to her more. I mean, isn't it so cute the way she stacks all of the glasses on the bottom rack of the dishwasher leaving no room for the plates?

But eventually the inevitable happens. Clouds give way to solid ground and you realize that you've been hand washing the plates for the past two months when they would have easily fit into the dishwasher if doofus had only loaded it right. But wait! Before you start spouting off everything that is on the top of your over-heated brain, take a few minutes to think about the consequences of your actions.

Relationships are fragile and are built with solid chords of love, trust and honesty. The way you handle disagreements and aggravations could set the course for your entire relationship and ultimately bring about its demise. That's right; you could actually destroy your relationship by fighting over trivial matters.

Here's why: Any time you attack someone verbally, you attack their self esteem and the trust that they have built up in you. A person who is constantly berated by someone they love will find it harder and harder to open up to them. And if your partner is as hard-headed as you are, you may find yourselves going head to head in a heated dispute where the cause for the argument is unclear.

For example: One night my girlfriend and I were driving to the club for a night out when we got into an argument over the words to a song that was on the radio. She came up with some off-the-wall lyrics that made no sense at all and refused to subscribe to any of my arguments that she was way off base. To make a long story short, I got so hyped up on proving that she was wrong that I could not let the matter drop until she said that I was right. And she, being extremely stubborn, dug in her heels and would not admit she was wrong even after seeing irrefutable evidence. So, we ended up fighting all night over stupid stuff because we were angry over the whole song lyric issue. The next day, we were still arguing, and even a Google song lyric search would not set things right.

As you can see, even disagreements over small matters can become huge when you're dealing with two very stubborn people. And once you become used to talking down to each other and arguing all of the time, it can be very hard to get those loving feelings back. You know, those feelings that brought you two together in the first place?

To keep your relationship from declining into a state of perpetual fighting, it is important then to know when you should argue and when you should let things slide. Well, let me rephrase that. You should never argue; you should only discuss things in an honest and adult-like way. So, to know when you should hold a family conference or walk away, follow these guidelines:

When NOT to push the issue

When you are mad about something else, maybe something that happened at work. If you give yourself some time to cool down over what is really bothering you, the perceived slight may seem unimportant.
If the matter is trivial and involves things like how to correctly complete household chores. A good rule of thumb to follow to distinguish trivial matters from important ones is to ask yourself this question: Is this going to matter 5, 10 or 20 years from now?
When it is that time of the month. I don't think this needs an explanation, but I'm telling you, this is the number one rule of our household because things tend to get skewed when rampaging hormones are involved.
If you are angry and are prone to say things that are mean when you are angry. Wait until you have calmed down and can discuss your concerns in a gentle, loving way.

When TO push the issue

If it involves physical or mental abuse of your children you should stand up immediately with full artillery.
If the issue is a 'make or break' the relationship problem or concern, you should definitely have a heart-to-heart talk. Still here, avoid getting into name-calling and fighting. You can effectively tell your partner to get out without ever raising your voice. Letting your anger get control over you puts the control in their hands.
If something huge is at stake like your home or livelihood.
If you really believe in something and your partner does not want you to pursue it. Again, have a talk. If your partner still insists on having things their way, you may want to rethink the relationship.

The bottom line here is to avoid fighting over stupid every-day nuisances. The truth is that the little things can add up and make you angry at your partner all of the time. This can destroy intimacy and trust. In order to keep your relationship healthy, it is important to learn how to take a deep breath and let things slide.

How can you do that? Simply walk away from the situation and bring it up again later when you have cooled down. Saying something like, "Honey, Can we start loading that dishwasher a different way? Because I think that if we do it right we can fit all of the dishes in there and not have to hand wash any," is a lot better than saying, "What are you stupid? I guess I have to do everything around here if I want it done right."

Granted, it takes a little practice and a whole lot of tongue biting, but learning to not sweat the small stuff can keep you walking on that cloud of bliss for years to come. And even in the instances where your feet have to walk on solid ground for a day or two, it will be much easier to return to relationship heaven without all of those remembered arguments weighing you down.

For more information visit How to Have a Successful Same-Sex Relationship

Read ALL of Our Articles >

Awesome Links

GLBT Sites
Breakup Community
The Zodiac Man
Perfect Love Letters
Broken Heart Repair
Get Your Ex Back

GLBT eBooks

Female to Female: The Ultimate Guide to Lesbian Sex

Cunnilingus Academy: Curl her toes with these tips and techniques

How to Have a Successful Same-Sex Relationship

The Big eBook of Gay and Lesbian Poetry

The Gay Man's Guide to Getting Laid

Man to Man: The Ultimate Guide to Gay Sex

The Borderland Blues Network - A Gay; Lesbian; Bisexual; and Transgender Support Network

In compliance with Galaxy of One - Lacuna Paladin Productions.
A gay and lesbian rights and support organization.

AS SEEN ON SOCIETYSURF.COM - YOUR RELATIONSHIP WEBSITE COMMUNITY & DIRECTORY!