Same-Sex Relationship Advice

Look for the Borderland Blues Triangle When Surfing GLBT Sites >

What Happens When Your Partner Admits They're Transgendered

One thing that may shock you is to find out your boyfriend or girlfriend is transgendered. You may certainly feel betrayed or hurt when you find out, along with confused and 'surreal'. How can this be happening to you?! Chances are - even if you think they may have lied to you - they may not even have admitted the fact they were transgendered to themselves until they were ready to accept it themselves.

Just like the stigma that surrounds being gay, there is a stigma that surrounds being transgendered. In some instances, it can be worse. If you are gay (or lesbian) and you go to the emergency room you do not have to mention that you are gay unless you want to. There is very little chance you won't receive treatment - especially if they do not know you are gay.

If you are transgendered, however, and you're in the middle of transitioning you may look like a female or male outwardly, yet still have your male or female genitals. Unfortunately, there is a very good chance the hospital can and will refuse treatment to you. No one wants to feel discriminated against - especially if they have a life-threatening illness, or were in a serious accident and need immediate treatment.

Subconsciously, your loved one may be in a state of self-denial, not even admitting to themselves that they're more comfortable as a woman or a man. In fact, they may not even had realized or acknowledged it to themselves, until right before they brought it to your attention. Whatever the reason the transgendering was revealed, anger is a natural reaction to learning to their transgenderness, as well as is shock, disbelief, and an overwhelming sense of loss. You may feel like you don't really know them, or you may feel like you've just lost your best friend. However, deep down they are still the same person. They simply are more happier in their life as a different sex, and, ultimately, isn't their happiness a major faction in yours? Isn't the contentment and happiness of your partner what matters the most to you?

Unfortunately, but truthfully, this very happiness could make you miserable. It is doubtful that that was their intention, and, odds are, if you honestly tell them how you feel they will probably feel very bad that they have hurt you. However, you should not discourage them from living out their life in the way they wish, so it is important to have a long discussion and iron out all the details and implications involved in their transgendering.

In your discussion you need to talk about the future of your relationship, their transition, and how far they plan to go. Are they happy being treated like a woman or man, dressing like one, and being called by a female or male name in private - but want to keep it hidden from the public world? Do they want to have the surgeries, hormones, and the whole nine yards? Do they just want hormones, but have opted not to have any surgery? Depending on their day job they may have too much to lose by full transition. However, they may not be happy without it and will be willing to risk it all for their happiness and peace.

If they decide to transition in any way will you be able to accept them as they will be? You need to think honestly about this, and talk it over with your partner. The future of your relationship depends on this, and needs to be discussed. If you prolong your relationship allowing it to go on without ending it - when you know damned well that you cannot handle the future with them - then you need to say so now. If you are honest with them then you can avoid a heart-wrenching breakup somewhere down the road. And this would be especially hard on them if they are at a point where they are transgendering and have relaxed in the belief that you will be there for them throughout the entire process.

All in all, they are still the person that you fell in love with even if they no longer have a penis, or now have no breasts. However, some gay males and lesbian females cannot handle this thought. They cannot let the physical aspect of being physical with a 'man' or 'woman' go, so they become miserable. If you feel this way, then you need to end the relationship. If you are sexually attracted to one sex, and your partner wants to become a different sex than that which you are attracted to, can you remain happy, sexually content, and faithful? Probably not.

Transition can be a long, highly stressful process. The coming out process starts all over again for the transgendered individual, though, and just like being gay this process never really ends. It can be hard to admit they were once a male or female because in their mind they are just the opposite and that is all that should matter. It may be especially hard on your transgendered partner should you two breakup and they end up having to start dating all over again ... where you know them, their new partner will not. They will feel morally obligated to tell their new partner that they are transgendered and the reaction to this is not always pretty. Because of this, even if you cannot handle being with them you should try to remain their supportive friend. During the transgendering process they will need all the friends, love, and support they can get. Your devotion - even if it isn't as their significant other - will mean a lot to them. More than you may realize! So, if you cannot remain their lover, always remember that they are still someone that you care for deeply, and stay by their side as only a true friend would.

Read ALL of Our Articles >

Awesome Links

GLBT Sites
Breakup Community
The Zodiac Man
Perfect Love Letters
Broken Heart Repair
Get Your Ex Back

GLBT eBooks

Female to Female: The Ultimate Guide to Lesbian Sex

Cunnilingus Academy: Curl her toes with these tips and techniques

How to Have a Successful Same-Sex Relationship

The Big eBook of Gay and Lesbian Poetry

The Gay Man's Guide to Getting Laid

Man to Man: The Ultimate Guide to Gay Sex

The Borderland Blues Network - A Gay; Lesbian; Bisexual; and Transgender Support Network

In compliance with Galaxy of One - Lacuna Paladin Productions.
A gay and lesbian rights and support organization.

AS SEEN ON SOCIETYSURF.COM - YOUR RELATIONSHIP WEBSITE COMMUNITY & DIRECTORY!